Jonathan Rosenfeld's Nursing Homes Abuse Blog : Jonathan Rosenfeld's Nursing Homes Abuse Blog | Lawyer & Attorney : Strellis & Field Law Firm | Bed Sores, Senior Neglect, Elder Abuse, Sexual Abuse: Chicago, Illinois

The joy that accompanies the holidays is frequently absent from the halls of nursing homes.  The celebrations and meals that make the holidays a joyous time of year for many of us may be impossible for people who may be immobile or ill.

Regardless on how long its been from your last visit, a brief visit with a friend or family member in nursing home can lift spirits especially during this time of year.  Leave whatever guilt you may hold regarding the infrequency of visits or prior relationship problems look to the present.

I found some excellent suggestions for a positive nursing home visit at this website Agedcarer.com.  

If a family member is immobile or unable to communicate simply holding their hand, stroking their forehead and talking quietly lets them know you care.

Talk about recent outings, bus trips or events at the nursing home.

Bring photos or a family movie of recent special events. Watch a DVD together and bring some snacks.

Share a meal with your family member in the dining room or order take away food. Call the nursing home ahead of time to organise a table.

Bring grandchildren to visit. Ask a grandchild to read from a favourite book or to brighten a room with current art projects.

Help a family member write a letter to a friend. Receiving a letter or card in return will lift their spirits.

Give your mum a manicure or hand massage.

Bring the family pet to visit, go for a walk in the garden or show off the pet to other residents.

If you play an instrument put on a concert for all the residents.

Take a family member out for the day. A simple car trip to the beach can be invigorating.

If you live far away organise a weekly phone call with staff at a certain time of day. 5 minutes on the phone can brighten your loved one's day.

Receiving cards, letters and photos from family can be a conversation starter for weeks between residents and staff. Bring some large print books, magazines and cross-word puzzles.

Residents needs to know they are still an important part of the family. Give your family member lots of affection, support and reassurance. Discuss family matters and try to involve them in decision making.

At some point take time out to listen to any complaints. Allow your loved one to vent any frustrations and arrange a time to talk to staff about any concerns. Remember to let your loved one know of the outcome.

If you can try not to focus too much on current health problems. Keep in mind that your loved one may also get embarrassed by any offensive smells or distracting noises in the aged care home so try to ignore them where you can.

A short visit can break up the routine of the day for a family member in an aged care home and for many residents it is the highlight of their week.

However, arranging the time can be difficult for some carers and many people find visiting an aged care home too confronting. If this is the case simply sending a message over the phone or sending a card will let someone know you care.

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With the holidays upon us, many of us will be visiting friends and relatives in nursing homes. In order to make the visit rewarding, for you and your loved one, some advanced thought should be put into your visit.  I came across this valuable list of recommendations for nursing home visits compiled by Jennifer Davis, on staff at Hebrew Senior Life. 

For residents that are alert the following is recommended:

• Keep them connected to the outside world with news about neighbors, family, friends and current events. Talk in a quiet place. Try to be at eye level with the person and speak slowly and clearly.
• Encourage reminiscing. Bring photos or objects to share. Stimulate conversation about past achievements. If your loved one always tells you the same story, accept this. It’s your listening that shows that you still care.
• Sometimes it’s enough to sit and just hold hands.
• Empathize with a relative’s feeling of distress. Don’t try to deny its existence or argue with the resident who may be confused. It only gets the resident more agitated, and causes further loss in self-esteem.
• Don’t use visits to give advice, scold or argue with the resident.

When a relative is too ill to talk:

• Hold hands; provide touch by rubbing the person’s back.
• Sing songs or play tapes of the person’s favorite music.
• If you can, just sit and share being there without feeling like you have to do or say something.
• Get to know staff, other residents and families to make the visit more pleasurable.

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Nursing home visits are great for both residents and their friends and families.  Everyone is usually happy to see each other and discuss current world topics, the weather, baseball or food.  However, don't let the smiles distract you from what should be a secondary reason for visiting friends and family members in nursing home--doing a mini inspection. 

I'm not talking about getting up on the roof of the nursing home and looking at the quality of the shingles or heading down to the basement to look at the hot water heater.  Rather, when visiting don't be shy about prodding around both the facility itself and on your loved one.  Look at the: cleanliness of the facility, look at the food, pay attention to the temperature of the room, look for familiar faces, look at the schedule of activities, chat with the staff--keeping track of all the small parts of your loved one's environment is the best it can be.

If your family member is bed-bound, pull the sheets back and peek under the robe.  Is everything clean?  Are their any dry or cracked areas of skin?  Is there any unpleasant smell?  Does everything look ok?  Even the sharpest elderly may lack sensation in areas of their bodies to detect skin irregularities.  If something looks wrong-- it probably is.  Early detection of potentially deadly conditions, such as pressure sores, may save your loved one from pain and embarrassment down the road.  You're not being a pest, you're being a caring friend or family member looking out for your loved one's best interest.

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